Invision

Staying in the house, one just fantasizes greater and greater fears. There is no correlation of any proof, until one becomes paralyzed. Isolated - I never did that again. I decided it was better to go out even if it meant my murder, rather than to stay home in paroxysms of fear. Many is the day that I went out into the world in full expectation of never coming home.

For my excursions I developed also interpretive schemes. The language of symbols became correlative, as the order of symbolic occurrence as I encountered it while out and about. Generally there would first be a theme established, as interpretive context, in which further running correlation of occurrence would proceed. The theme might be set before I left home, as a question or curiosity. Sometimes it was set by correlations of specific observations as they occurred, like a plethora of white cars. The color white might become a commonality of which I would then find in different contexts and interpret accordingly.

The process involved selective seeing and hearing, something I probably learned originally from my mother. She would create conspiracies in her mind, and relate the evidential details to me at dinner. It was not difficult to ascertain that she selected specific things devoid of context that supported her contentions, and ignored everything that did not. These were all work related and fairly harmless causing only unnecessary worry, something I learned that I would attempt to never engage in. I noticed it almost immediately on beginning my epiphany. I would change the sound of words in my mind so that some fantasy was supported. My mind did it automatically. The same with reading. My mind would change the spelling of words, or put them in different order, again as evidential support.

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