Invision

My long term girlfriends, and I love them each, had aspects of Anka. So in a sense I have always lived with Anka. And Anka was not my mother who was highly feminine, or a substitute for the father that was never around, as pseudo physiologists would have it. So maybe if I met Anka today, she would be the pig-tailed girl and we could be cosmic buddies and lovers. I am her mind and she is my body, and back and forth vice versa.

Eyes on my genitals. So what did she see? So what all comes from there? What would have next happened if not for the farmer? She is always looking at my genitals. I don't know what she sees. Therein can be anything I want, as what she sees, what I am, or what she is. That's how I get to create her. She dominates me with her eyes. She is an audience of - I don't know who. I perform for her as the audience. I am always performing for her. She is an unconscious control of sorts. I dance for her and she is my whip mistress. And what do I do for her? I work, work and work some more, as I am working now.

Maybe Anka was my mysticism. Anka could be anybody potentially, but then - oh well - always not. It became a perpetual search for Anka. Anka controlled my testosterone inspired imagery. If it is true that testosterone produces creativity and that when I am most creative, it is when I am producing the most testosterone, then Anka may be titillation, a testosterone producer. Maybe I always needed to be hungry. Not too hungry, but just enough to make one's next meal an ecstasy, like my hypoglycemia.

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