Cheryl

Next time in she had warmed again. She would always wave the minute she saw me in line. I would let people go ahead of me so that I could stand there longer looking at her, and blab over their heads and around them when not too impolite. I would tell them: "You go ahead. I am in love with the checker and might talk over your head, if you don't mind". Only had a few minutes each time to get in as much communication as possible. It occurred to me that her good buddy Eric might be the same Eric as Eric's Delicatessen. I asked her and she said no. I said that is good because I could not compete with the Rubin Sandwich.

I now had to assume that she knew of my situation, but she continued to flirt with me. I wanted to ask her out but couldn't afford to. And then my thinking was I am too old. It is not fair to her. Not going to live that long in comparison. I decided to leave it up to her. She didn't really have any time for me anyway. I was really in love. Would tell people in line that I was in love with her. Possibly she could hear me. I would at the same time tell everyone how great and amazing she was. I would compliment her at every opportunity, tell her she was beautiful, that I loved her hair, that she had beautiful eyes. Most of my friends thought I was imagining things, that a girl that young could not possibly be interested in me. I started calling her my imaginary girl friend. So I was somewhat gratified after five or six weeks, when she said we could get together in the summer, after school was out and she had some time. I said sure since I didn't think you would have that much time for me anyway. I was elated.

There was a lot of fanaticizing on my part. I really didn't care. I was having a good time and was not so lonely and would always be looking to see her again. Time was passing by and I was getting past my initial infatuation, so that I could forget her somewhat when I didn't see her. But as soon as I saw her I was again in love as much as in the beginning. I would give her things. Gave her the name of the movie 'Quiz Show' and said she might watch it, and it would explain how we met. Didn't say it, but was hoping she would make the connection, how I remembered the Rubin Sandwich which is why I got it, and why I met and fell in love with her. I fanaticized that she actually watched the movie and it would fill in her education a bit. I threw the I Ching as a general situation question about our relationship. I gave her a print-out of how to use the I Ching and the results of the throw. I gave her another movie, 'The Lady Eve', with Fonda and Stanwyck, where I think this was Stanwyck's best performance. Cheryl reminds of Stanwyck. She is interested in history so I gave her a copy of Anna Karenina by Tolstoy. I would not ask her about her response to these things. Really didn't know if she ever watched the movies, read the book, or what she thought of the I Ching. I would fantasize her reactions and had a whole scenario going. But there came a point where I had to assume she wasn't all that interested or didn't have time. I was not going to embarrass her by putting her on the spot. The fantasy was good enough for me. An imaginary girlfriend is better than no girlfriend.

I brought her some candy. It was a really hot day and I had left the candy in the car while I did my walk. It was really good chocolate balls. While waiting in line for her, she said she would be right back, and I pulled the candy out and it was all melted. I said to the guy behind me I was going to give this candy to the checker, but it was all melted and I showed it to him. I said - "oh well - maybe just as well I am twice her age". He said, "I am eighty and getting married". I didn't give her the candy but said the guy behind me is eighty and getting married. And she said to him congratulations. Then she added I hope I am married by then. I said well you got me. That went over like a lead balloon. Then I said actually I have never been married and don't believe in it. Got no answer to that.

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