Stories
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I had to present an image, and I was engaged in this elaborate labyrinth. I liked her - time passed - she was a good neighbor, and then we heard she got a boyfriend. Alas. It was a lifetime theme, the conflict between what I wanted to learn to satisfy my mind, and what I wanted to satisfy my body.
How many woman have I fallen in love with? Probably too numerous to even begin to count, even in the last year. I am in love with a woman who is compatible to my inner feelings of a feminine nature. She is an archetype of which may or may not exist on this plane. All these puppy loves are perhaps the love of this one, but of who they never are and can never be. In years later Sonoma my long time platonic called this fantasy woman Anka. So the other morning I wake up and am in love with Anka again. There was apparently a great feeling there then, and is still there now, that I had completely forgotten about. And it is all just so much of the worship of Anka fantasy.
In the invisionment experience one tends to confront the real self, as independent of cultural conditioning. Sexual identity seemed to be a thing I went through. Things are exaggerated mole-hills to mountains. Feelings may seem overpowering and amplified. The real me is what? One might realize one's place in social pecking order situations. To some extent sex may become a fixation if there is a conflict between feeling and self image. Suppressed sexual concupiscence may want to emerge. I remember realizing my sexual assignment when in a situation of simple force, like in a prison. That could be a shocking realization and was.
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