Invision

But didn't my inferiority come from a watcher usually called a conscience, maybe self-image as instilled by the Christians? I was not perfect. In my town I was the only Indian. All the other boys my age were cowboys. And why was that ? I was a pagan and they were all Christians, with one watcher - God.

Where was my watcher? I tried out God. The problem was there was no proof. They said he will answer your prayers. I needed some - desperately answered. I prayed. It would be a correlation between thinking a thought as asking by prayer, and having it happen in the real world. That would be the proof. But it did not happen. Then they say, "Give it time". And then they say, "You have to have faith; it will come to pass in God's own time". And so on and so on, but no correlations occurred, and so one could say no proof whatever. Then they might say, "It was God's will that things should stay as they are". And that would be true, if by answering my prayers it would have prevented these words from being typed. But then everything just happens, and there is no need of God, if God can change not a thing. At any rate, I gave up on God as my monitor in short order.

I always liked superstition. "Step on a crack - break your mother's back". I can remember that from around kindergarten time. I remember doing it when going to school. 'Break back', how weird. I didn't pay much attention to that part of it. Step on a crack was bad luck. The idea here was correlations, and if one did a certain thing then correlations would follow.

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