Invision

Of course then as well it was the conflict of two systems. My mind wanted to be big and my body wanted to be small. I not only felt inferior half my life, but I liked it. Somehow that inferiority was a thrill. But who could ever admit it ? What I really didn't like was feeling stupid. There were times in my life, when I met or saw someone, even from a distance where I grew up, that I knew they were smart, and I knew they thought I was dumb, and I knew I was dumb and that they were right. That's what I couldn't stand and hated most about myself. I did not like the inability to understand. Could I under and stand at the same time ?

But now I was creating characters and they were big and always bigger than my body, and I had a duty to be true to my character creations, or otherwise they would not be or seem real. I used to walk Bartlett Street a lot north to 22nd and Mission and then back on Mission Street. Thus I took the same route. In this case one could assume that the scene scenario was all mapped-out in my unconscious. I thought that my selective sensing, as what I would notice by sound and sight, was random, as whatever happened. But then it occurred to me, that repeated experience was already mapped in my unconscious. If some element in my unconscious was to direct what I noticed, which triggered associative selection, this unconscious directorate may proceed the associative experience.

The theory would be that there is an unconscious agenda which may regulate and determine specific sensory appreciation at specific times and places.

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