Invision

I always liked the lake I grew up because even though it was spring-fed, the water was cloudy accept in the autumn. You could make what you wanted. I could make castles, worlds, monsters, anything I liked in the mystery of the opaque lake. Even in the autumn when the water was clear and the sunlight shone through to the leaves, seaweed, rocks, sand and muddy bottoms, it was a beautiful other worldliness of suspended imagination. I was a sailor of sorts living on the lake. And the lake held many stories as fictions of my mind.

Another element of the epiphany was fame. If one is to make decisions believing one has real weight and consequence, what is it to make decision in private ? Who is gonna know? How real can it be ? One has to have an audience. It means one makes decisions for which one has to stand up against the crowd. And that crowd is outside the door when one goes out and about. It is monitors and judges of what you do. However there was a problem, this being that they were all different. There was no single or a few monitors, wherein it is easy to judge yourself, like one God. This was the crowd - the all. I was trying to understand them. They had to know I existed, and know what I thought. How else would they know how to judge me ? I had to know them, or how else would I know how they were judging me ?

I had to be famous, if I truly wanted to believe I was somebody. I was already somewhat famous in actuality, around about this time, within a certain set of my friends and their friends, in a seemingly outward spiral.

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