Year Two

But here it was in the flesh, and I was in no way prepared for such an encounter. If for no-other reason; I wouldn't know what to do, and that was perhaps too embarrassing in and of itself.

At any rate I panned the whole thing and everyone was assigned their places of rest, which was probably a second bed room and I was given a couch in the living room. When I awoke in the morning I was sleeping under a giant painting of a crying lion. Egad it was tacky. I laid there a long time trying to fathom the implications. I had heard of the term 'crying lion' of course. It was one of the themes of the Wizard of Oz. But now there was a different context added. I the man - who wouldn't be a man sexually. I was to be the crying lion. God how bad-mannered to be so presumptuous, as to fetter me with what may have had no relation to the me what ever. However more problematic - it did.

So I lay there contemplating this dilemma. This was situational context, where I would study the concept while circumstantially inside it. This would become my process for study, to live inside the concept as it happened, and where especially; if the in-sidedness involved true belief, and all its feelings and emotions both sublime and odious. Of course it was true I had an appetite for sex. But was I a man or was I not? I was apparently not. A new concept I had not really contemplated was a three-way. However I could not imagine myself as the man and master, and yet that is of what I had been indoctrinated, producing so much suppressed conflict.

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