Stories
31
32
33
34
35
36
37
38
39
40
One of the first things I learned was that walking into my place was onto a platform that looked out over the whole of the city across the bay and to Angel Island. Everyone would have a different reaction. You could see and feel it. I realized it would be a great psychological study. I probably realized also that one could create staging inside the apartment which would affect and perhaps modify the reaction to what was primarily external.
My attitude was always the set makes itself. You don't have to do anything but a little bit of shaping. Nature is the set. Nature is the context. Nature is eternal. I lived the Indian character and believed it. Why because
of the weather. The weather makes it real. And safety requires belief with all the certainty one can muster. So apparently I was always a believer. I believed my body. So now one must take responsibility for it. One must make decisions. Philosophy meant which decisions were the right ones?
Right out of high-school identities are made and put into concrete hard and fast. But the college players put it off for another four years. I left it as totally as if it was a foreign country and was never from there. Break the chains. Kill all those watchers of old. The watchers, the standards one sets for one's own behaviour called manners, based on the respect for certain people, sometimes ideas or people from books. But that is inside that is not a watcher. So we got inside and outside monitors. Internal and external monitors. Internal monitor is the ego. External monitors are identities.
(36 of 46)
Next Page
