Cheryl

Self-discovery - I said I had stripped away a good deal of my conditioning when I was about your age. It is like the wiring in a wall. It is your unconscious and conditioned wiring system that runs your reactions to the world automatically. If you want to be self-deciding, you have to open up the walls and rip out all the old subconscious habitual patterns of behavior. You put in your own wiring system. "No, no" - he said, "you conform to an ideal of higher consciousness. I said I disagree. You are talking about the progressive. It is like with sculpture. There are two kinds - modeling and relief. When you create an ideal it is modeling and you add on to yourself, attributes that you would like yourself to be, and that contribute to the ideal. This does nothing to remove all the negative conditioning, false narratives, hatreds, insecurities and low self-esteem one might have. You create a model in opposition to these negatives, and you have a double identity and the two battle it out.

Or you can chip away and relieve, remove much of the conditioning. That is what I did when I was your age. "You strip it away until you arrive at some essential self", he said. "Yes". But I decided to keep emotion and my ego. He said, "No you can't do that; the idea is to strip away all illusion, to be free of illusion". I said, "Illusion is good. I love illusion; couldn't live without it. When you get beyond all illusion, then you can create your own". You control it and it does not control you. "No the idea is transcend illusion". Chris is of the belief that illusion prevents one from consciousness. One has to embrace the truth. Anything else is delusion and prevents one from realizing the truth which is the soul.

I saw an ad on Craigslist that I was somewhat interested. It is a problem. How to make a reply that might get a response? It is not like people reply out of a sense politeness these days - they don't. Course have read that these woman can get two-hundred replies to an ad. So have to assume this the case, and thus politeness would become a full time job. Have done probably three dozen of these replies in the last couple of years mybe more. It is study in psychology. How to write an ad that gets a response. It is not that difficult if one lies, or if one leaves out critical data like in my case, my age. If one is completely honest ninety-nine percent of the time one will get no response. If I say I smoke it practically guaranteed no response. If I say I am sixty-nine it is guaranteed no response. So I wrote up a bang-up reply. Really good and thought it could not miss accept it was too honest. Had to make a decision in terms of timing. Does one really want to interact with this person. I even added a video to the email - a live Meatloaf concert, "I Will Do Anything for Love, But I Won't Do That".

I decided to send it into the maw of the same day mass mailing. She might not receive it at all, or there would be so many she would overlook it. Let the metaphysical decide what gets through. Could wait and send it a day later. Much better chance of a reply then, after the tide has washed out. This is a decision made each time. In this case I was more interested in seeing what kind of reply would come out of myself. Most of these are creative endeavors rather than intended to get actual results. Write for an objective or write for oneself. Taylor the writing for results and the objective creates the writing. Or write to see what comes out is much more fun and interesting. One writes for the net. Does anyone read it? Does anyone understand it? Does anyone care? Do I really want to know? Personally I do not. I prefer the illusion. I can write to any level I can allude to. I am not restricted to a certainty of a level of understanding. I write for myself. And in the end, it is what comes out of me, or what comes from the metaphysical.

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