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It would be constant baby-sitting of one single context for living in the world, always on duty like the army, with one's general orders and constant drill. I was not going to guard the wall.
It was not a hard choice. I declined it. Could it only have been, I had not all that much interest in myself, or had I already rejected materialism. But if I can have whatever I want and choose - not for myself but for others - I suppose is the dynamic. Self or others was the choice I made. This decision of course would determine everything thereafter. If one believes it and I did, what one chooses would determine the true character of myself. But then the whole epiphanic experience was a determination of character. For self - coming to fruition would be materialism and the endless care-taking of mechanisms, like Thoreau's farmer forever carrying his barn on his back. For other's - left me free. What do I want ? I chose world peace. Seems like a cliché now. But I was young then, the world wars were fresh in my mind, and the Vietnam war was raging.
The thing was you had to believe it. It meant nothing if you did not. Just an abstraction like any good book. Anyone can believe anything when no real consequence is attached. And one could say it was not a real choice. If someone had plopped down a million bucks and said this will be yours, make your choice now; how would one decide then? Reminds me of the movie 'Take the Money and Run'. Don't remember what the movie was about, but the title may be apropos.
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